somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
