he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
