Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
