It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
