Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
