I wish I only lived at night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
