I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
