So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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