hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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