You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
