Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
