For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
