How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
