he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
