Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
