all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
