We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
