its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize