ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize