I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
