you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize