Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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