I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
