get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
