So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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