i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
