fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
