new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
