I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
