What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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