Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love you.
Bad choice
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