I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
