i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vagina is officially offended.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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