So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
