ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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