Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
