Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
