Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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