He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You can't motorboat a personality
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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