John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
