i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize