At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
