cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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