Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.

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(312): View more from Illinois

My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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(740): View more from Ohio

we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke

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(214): View more from Texas

I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair

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(316): View more from Kansas

Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!

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