i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
