We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
