She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
