I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
