The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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