Tell her she can't have a vagina
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
