And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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