Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
