If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
