Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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