Well douche your snatch and let's go!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
