Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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