dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
