just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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