Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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