this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
