Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
