1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
