SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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