If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
