Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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