just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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