and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So much rum. So many feels.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
