is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize