I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize